21 May 19: Musings on turning 50

I’m steeling myself for tomorrow’s ‘big birthday’.

I remember when I was a kid i’d project forwards and say, ‘Oh my gosh, 2019! I’ll be 50 in 2019! That is ridiculous!!’ And thinking, with incredulity, that the discovery of life on Mars, or Back To The Future becoming reality would almost certainly happen first.

Where did i expect i’d be at 50? How long have you got? Suffice to say, there have been lots of surprises and a smattering of disappointments along the way, and in many respects i still feel like a novice at life, hoping that one day i’ll wake up and realise i’ve cracked it.

But in other ways i know i’ve lucked out and have so much to be thankful for (yes, i mean you). Life for all of us is about living with the tension between pleasure and pain, love and loss, strength and frailty.

And if we’re really fortunate, we get to live a life that’s long enough to enable us to reflect on the bitter-sweet complexity of it all. Anyway, big love to you all and see you on the other side of 50.

Martha, The Colour File x

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